© Musue N. Haddad
Woke up this morning,
Walked down the streets;
Afterward, juggled down the bystreets
Then saw you at the corner
Faced torn, in tears, blinking
I halted, we talked for an hour
Between sobs you said, “Now I know.”
Wrapped my arms around you
You gently murmured and wept
“I thought we had something special”
“But it’s not me he sought,”
Your fragile body shivered,”
Made my body shuddered,
Followed by your whisper,
“Not me, not me in his thoughts,
When we talked and laughed;
His utterances of love, assurance;
That filled my heart, my mind;
Were all illusory, lies
I gave him love, endless supply,
But not me in his thoughts,
Not me in his dreams, his bethought,
Oh, I gave him all; heart, thoughts, love
And love the emotion I’d feel
But for him, I was not enough.
In his eyes,
I was a frivolous, trifling slough,
Protective, yet weakened by love
I wish, I wish”… you fumbled for words
“Wish I could change my name to hers
So he never call me hers
Then he’ll adore and call me always
But I love my own name
It’s unique, time-honored, and not trendy
Or if I had the eyes of the other girl
He will look deep into mine always
But I love to see with my own eyes
Perhaps, if I had the hair of the next one
He says her hair flows and is golden
I will let it down for him, all loosen
But I love my own hair, naturally dark
If my laughter was like the next girl
Which he says is like the sound of music
He’ll stay in my embrace; delight in it
Still, I like to say “I Love You” with my voice.
I know now, its not me he sought.”
The promises of respect, he made
To treasure my love, value me as I am
Said I gave him hope, brighten his heart
But now I know
It was not me, never me he sought;”
It was then I softly interjected,
“Listen honey”
Our eyes met and I said,
"I speak as a sister and friend"
“You’re wondering what he sees in them
That you don’t have my dear
So here you cry a river of tears
And may have cried too many times
Been on an emotional upheaval
Loved someone who didn't care a dime
Sweet words; all deceiving, mistimed
You’re beautiful, and all loving
Stunning eyes, filled with affection
A name that honors your being
Your face holds warm smiles, tenderness
Maybe,
It’s not you in his thoughts,
But for all the time you loved him,
Respected, adored him, so freely
Only to be betrayed, heart shattered
Even so your love radiates, fills the universe
It mirrors in the sun rays as the morning rises
Felt by others who’ll be nourished by it.”
As I spoke softly, words of hope
I saw your face; a smile lit your face,
You mumbled,
“Gave him my best,
And then added,
“Love doesn’t come from stone”.
And I responded,
But love is positive; the ambiance is good.”
Copyright © Musue N. Haddad
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
A Sister's Reflection
© Deanna White
39111014
CRASH
SLAM
(Damn wish these walls were thicker)
I listen
My stomach
Getting Sicker
Handcuffs
CLICK
All I can do
Sit
You stare
“Fuck you”
Your lips say
With a “help me” glare
Eyes closed
Tears
Goodbye little brother
See you next year
You used to be little
Remember
Watching Grease
Doing the hand jive
Making a secret handshake
Remember
At my sleepovers
Running away
When we tried to put make-up on you
Remember
Giving your friends
All the popsicles
And mommy got mad
Handshakes turned to gang signs
Running from police instead of girls
Popsicles turned to weed
Kids grow up so fast…
The aftermath
Finally
I could face it
The mess upstairs
Why’d you fight them?
Tried to jump out of the window
I shut it
Tried to close the door
Broken
Walk two feet
My room
Assess the damage
Toddler bed
Bent
Favorite chair
Broken
Legos
Spilled
Outline a body
Window
Open
I shut it
Walk back out the door
Maybe tomorrow…
Overview by Mother: Ms. W.C White.
During the summer of 2008 my 13 year old son was arrested for a serious, yet first offence. Nearly three years later, while still in the system, he ran away from yet another community placement. This time he was adamant about not going back saying “ I’m tired of the meetings, going to the doctor’s, the medication’s not helping, nothing is helping and Mr. B. uses any little excuse to take away my weekends (at home)!”
My son had numerous evaluations conducted (ordered by two different judges and from the core care agency I found) which all concluded that he was a very intelligent young man who had classic ADHD. Only after he was apprehended this time did we find that the medication (Risperdal) he had been taking for the past six months was not the proper medication for his diagnosis. Which meant that during their attempt to “rehabilitate” him, his ADHD was never properly treated.
Coming home either very late at night or very early in the morning he eluded authorities for about two weeks. On March 9, 2011 I was getting on the bus to go to school when I saw him approach our home. My daughter had not left for school yet so I called her to let her know that [in order to avoid further conflict with the law] I would be calling the abscondance unit to come pick him up. They did, and what preceeds are the reflections of his nineteen year old sister having witnessed her brother being dragged from his home: the only place he’d ever felt safe.
He took some of his anger out on her for answering the door when they came (my fault). She was not able to go to school after they left…because of what happened at 10:14 that morning.
39111014
CRASH
SLAM
(Damn wish these walls were thicker)
I listen
My stomach
Getting Sicker
Handcuffs
CLICK
All I can do
Sit
You stare
“Fuck you”
Your lips say
With a “help me” glare
Eyes closed
Tears
Goodbye little brother
See you next year
You used to be little
Remember
Watching Grease
Doing the hand jive
Making a secret handshake
Remember
At my sleepovers
Running away
When we tried to put make-up on you
Remember
Giving your friends
All the popsicles
And mommy got mad
Handshakes turned to gang signs
Running from police instead of girls
Popsicles turned to weed
Kids grow up so fast…
The aftermath
Finally
I could face it
The mess upstairs
Why’d you fight them?
Tried to jump out of the window
I shut it
Tried to close the door
Broken
Walk two feet
My room
Assess the damage
Toddler bed
Bent
Favorite chair
Broken
Legos
Spilled
Outline a body
Window
Open
I shut it
Walk back out the door
Maybe tomorrow…
Overview by Mother: Ms. W.C White.
During the summer of 2008 my 13 year old son was arrested for a serious, yet first offence. Nearly three years later, while still in the system, he ran away from yet another community placement. This time he was adamant about not going back saying “ I’m tired of the meetings, going to the doctor’s, the medication’s not helping, nothing is helping and Mr. B. uses any little excuse to take away my weekends (at home)!”
My son had numerous evaluations conducted (ordered by two different judges and from the core care agency I found) which all concluded that he was a very intelligent young man who had classic ADHD. Only after he was apprehended this time did we find that the medication (Risperdal) he had been taking for the past six months was not the proper medication for his diagnosis. Which meant that during their attempt to “rehabilitate” him, his ADHD was never properly treated.
Coming home either very late at night or very early in the morning he eluded authorities for about two weeks. On March 9, 2011 I was getting on the bus to go to school when I saw him approach our home. My daughter had not left for school yet so I called her to let her know that [in order to avoid further conflict with the law] I would be calling the abscondance unit to come pick him up. They did, and what preceeds are the reflections of his nineteen year old sister having witnessed her brother being dragged from his home: the only place he’d ever felt safe.
He took some of his anger out on her for answering the door when they came (my fault). She was not able to go to school after they left…because of what happened at 10:14 that morning.
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